ifellbackwardsintoherarmsandwas...

a year goes by...

2009-09-09T00:06:24Z

my life turned to shit the day i started at target!! :D

yea...
but its picking up iguess.

lost love... lost my mom... lost my liscence due to a dui...
its all good tho! well maybe not good, exactly. but i still have my shoes!

its my b-day week n i have no doubt that i'll be alone.
that's ok tho. it just doesnt matter.

i know i'm sad lonely n horny, but i don't feel sorry for myself. i know i'm not a bad person.
i just make mistakes like most people do.

my time is not come yet but time is winding down. i can feel it drawing nearer.

making no sense am i?

well that don't matter either. cuz i know what i'm talking about.

oneSkipwonder

cliche after cliche...

2008-11-09T05:39:27Z

wut goes around comes around i guess. so we broke up...

me and my michelle. i suppose no one really knew who she was. that's kay tho. it was well worth the while 4 beautiful months! well... 2 n a half! i knew the day after halloween it would happen. just a feeling i got. i seem to know things sumtimes now. like i knew my friend vero was in trouble or sumthing but i hadnt spoken to her for some time. i culdnt get her off my mind so when i was finally able to go online (bcuz her number didnt work) sure enuff, she wasnt doing too well. crazy shit. anyhow, michelle was a wonderful woman. i wish it could've worked out, but im not bitter. if she ever changed her mind id take her back in a heart beat. she's changed my life. she really made me think about the things that i do. if only she'd let me help her too. im sad n i miss her but im okay. we'll try to be friends. im just taking the time that i need. i dont want to make the same mistakes of my last relationship. the cycle has to end somewhere somehow. i really want for her 2 be happy. im jus sorry that i culdnt make her happy. i've spared the details obviously. ill jus say that i let myself fall for her but she jus culdnt. i guess that's all for now. ta ta! :D

theSkip

am i evil?

2008-05-22T10:35:17Z

i am man... yes i am.

mi shell

2008-05-15T13:49:52Z

when you're up is there no place to go but down? that is, assuming that when you're down there is no where to go but up. if i admit i'm happy when i'm not quit yet will that end the cycle and begin anew? i'm involved with a girl who likes me very much. she's intelegent and sweet, caring and well, agressive! she's already kicked my ass! she's not my girlfriend, but we act like it. this may not be something that lasts. even she said so. how does one walk into something they know will end? would it be a waste of time?? again i suppose it's the journey. the adventure together that will make this worth while. Jesus Christ knew He would only die. did that stop Him from carrying out His Father's will? not that there's a real comparison there, but the point is! ah, life - it's silly! cliche after cliche, but here's another one... is it truely better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? i guess i'll figure it out later...

theSkip

well it's been a few years...

2008-03-12T22:57:55Z

just thought i'd post something somewhere. felt like getting shit off my schest! liz can kiss my ass now. it's not like she hasn't. the last thing she said to me was to go to my friends who know nothing about her.   it didn't make sense since the demise of our "friendship" had nothing to do with my other friends. she's totally just... well if we were meant to part on good terms then we might have. it doesn't matter. i wanted her out of my life for a good long while. she, i guess, never caught on. she said i was dense! how would she not figure out that i needed her to apologize for all the mental abuse. that's all i really wanted, cuz i knew she would never do that. but when she finally did, i had to bring it to her attention and nothing changed at all. she was the same stone cold chic. she used me. she destroyed my innosence. raped me of any sense of self worth and expected me to assume her friendship as an obligation. what's more i think she ruined me for all women. havent even had one date since we broke up almost 6 years ago.

there was a girl though... the reason i believe in love at first sight... elizabeth...

it's funny you know... i wanted to be honest with her so i told her all about liz. then she got wierd over the phone and as far as i was concerned, i was sure the only thing keeping us appart would have been the distance between us, which to me was no problem at all... until liz. how could she make me stop talking to this girl? she was so jealous!  oh and she had the nerve to say to me that i could call her elizabeth if i wanted to!

that's when i went numb...

i mean i took alot of crap. a lot of shit talk. but after that and under all circumstances, when i knew i'd lost all hope of finding elizabeth again, that is when i just said fuck it.

it's not like i'm an alcoholic, but i have endulged to certain points where i may have killed people driving on the street. i became depressed. i wonder if i'm not bi-polar. i'm a perv. i was arrested for being drunk in public. but that didn't stop me from partying. no,no! i trashed some rock star's appartment. ate all his guacamole. i became fed up with my life. i felt up on female strangers. had one of them strangle me, but kept laughing as they did it. i do take pride, however, in that i spit on a cop! and i'm just so pathetic. i spent $1500 on strippers and booze. i fucked a stripper in the VIP room and thought that maybe she'd wanna go aout with me. isn't that just sad. maybe, i'm not as bad as some people might be and they don't care. but if you'd known me before liz, even you'd wonder what happened to me!

now i understand i cannot blame liz for everything that I DID. but you have to understand that liz was thee most negative influence in my life. and i let it happen.

God told me not to be with her. i did it anyway. i said, "God, i'm going to do this!" He knew that i wouldn't have the heart to tell liz after 4 months that i wanted to break up with her. i knew that i would break her heart! i guess i tried to insinuate as best i could and i tried even to break up with her but as it went - i coudn't stand to hurt her. emotionally, i wasn't with her. i was with... anyone else! because i didn't want her. that was the first time i went about things the wrong way. but i wanted out for a reason just as complex as any reason i could've given (example)... not in love anymore(not that i really was)... relationship was too intense(especially after my last ex broke my heart)... couldn't handle losing virginity to her... whatever!!! she knew why and she said that she hoped that wasn't it. and i tell you it was, but i denied it.   that reason is this: i simply got tired of her! so simple, but how do you explain that to some one who you care about. some one who you didn't want to break up with for that reason, but who knew you wanted to and could never admit it. you think i'm fucked up? well i knew i was. and she convinced me that i was the lowest scum of the earth. that i was a waste of life. i didn't deserve to live! but i would never have killed myself although i may have wanted to. i deserved to suffer with guilt and resentment and anger. and that i did. the cost, more than i wanted to stand.

the second time i went about things the wrong way was when i tried to get liz to make up the past to me by talking some mad shit to her. i know i'm fucked up and i'ma get mine. liz wants nothing to do with me now i guess, which is fine. do i care? not anymore. it's very liberating. i feel horrible though about talking shit to her, but for what i said to her, it matters not in comparison to how she fucked me up. that's just the way i feel...

who needs a drink??

well since my last post, i've attended the musicians institute in hollywood and graduated. almost hookd up with a girl at my job, hollister ( where i fold clothes for $10.65 an hr.), auditioned for a chic named bELA and all of the above! not proud of many things that i have done. like weed, speed and coke. neer got to try shrooms, but stil kinda want to! don't think i will though. also the most POSITIVE influence in my life, a woman who truley deserves the title BEST FRIEND, has made a come back. and it makes me sooo happy to say that Cassandra is again in my life and for good this time!!

love to post more, but i think i'd better go cuz my niece is home and this, her comp., is in her room. dunno if i'll ever do this here again but for now... stay well ya'll. i'll make something of myself one day and all will be well in the audible realm and there will be musical aesthetic equality. well that is if i could help it!

"all night thing" - temple of the dog

2004-08-18T20:01:32Z

she motionged to me
that she wanted to leave
and go somewhere warm
where we'd be alone
i do not know, what's going on
but i'm guessing it's an all night thing

if it's an all night thing
nobody is gonna make it end
and if it doesn't begin
don't worry that i'll take offense
and if it's an all night thing
and we fall like a tear falling
to the ground
i'll never come around
and you'll never hear a word from me
if it's an all night thing

i walked along, feeling at ease
and falling like rain
into her scheme
she won't let on what that will be
but i'm guessing
it's an all night thing

if it's an all night thin nobody is gonna make it end
and if it doesn't begin
don't worrythat i'll take offense
and if it's an all night thing
and we fall like a rea falling
to the ground
i'll never come around
and you'll never hear a word frome me
if it's an all night thing

andtherockets'redglare...

2004-05-12T21:06:57Z

i.am.at.liz's.work.where.the.computer.sucks...i.felt.i.needed.2.type.something.but.i.don't.knoow.what.2.say...i.,feel.like.i.just.want.2.run.and.hide.and.i.feel.like.i.want.2.just.die...i.know.it's.just.me.talking.madness.but.whatever...six.minutes.left...well.this.is.it...i'm.done.here...who.knows.if.i'll.ever.do.this.again...idoubt.that.i.will.see.how.things.turn.out.but.hopes.still.remain.high...the.earth.has.not.swallowed.me.yet...

and yeah....

2004-03-31T21:23:49Z

yay! i talked to bob last night! he's cool man! and i'm here in school again. this is where i post you know, usually. liz is working. and i must return to the music building. and yeah. my wrist is kickin' and so is my back. liz swears i'm making it up. i'm not i swear. i need her to like crack my back or something. so yeah. anyway that's all i guess. jsut wanted to type something. yeah. bye.

the skip

this is a long read...

2004-03-30T05:00:12Z

i think i'm hungry. that was jsut some lyric that popped into my head. i think thati might use it. i'm tripping out on how this girl in front of me has been taking that math test for as long as i've been here. now i know i suck at math, but how could anyone spend so much time thinking about math? ugh! i hate math. anyway... here at school trying to find a way to go on aim. i don't know how liz did it. but i give up. i guess i'm jsut a dumbass. i feel very restless and i want to leave. just get up and go! leave this place and everything in it. just move on to bigger and better things. but i guess that's in due time. i have traffic school on sunday. i'm trying to find out if i can't just take the course online. so far i need an fee for it. i mean the one on sunday costs 26 dollars. but so far i need a credit card for it. hey that one girl finally finished. she took a really ong time. maybe that just means that I have been here for too long! oh well. jsut checking mail. looking at sites steve vai satriani. blah. and here i am. =) this and that and you know. i want that steve vai and g3 dvd! i just know i'll love them! i love concert videos! heh.. anyway... that audioslave is bad ass! and it's lovely to be listening to ...and justice for all, again! i love that cd. well now i'm depressed. but fuck it. i don't care. i'm jsut hungry!!=p and i must now eat. but i can't. i'm pretty sure i'll be here for another half hour. basically whenever this place closes. yup. and roxana doesn't reply to my emails. she has to ask liz how i'm doing. i told her in my email. but then again... liz always seems to better proclaim how I am feeling. and i'm jsut a little wierd about why liz didn't want to go on a computer right next to me. she just had to go way the fuck over there. oh well. i guess it's cuz my hair stinks. i wonder how class was for her. see i wanted to ask her but she went way the fuck over there. and i'm all alone. of course i was all alone before she got here. but that's okay. oh well. she can probably tell that i'm typing about her on purpose. well, i was a little happy that she came. although, i wanted to go over to the music building before her class ended so we'd meet there. she's got so many journals dude. i don't even think i know about half of them. she keeps getting new ones. me i only have two. and one i don't use anymore because she told me not to. she even got mad about it when i asked her why! i don't know why?! just, funny i guess. she is a pretty funny chic. she may not think so but i think so. shetalks so much shit that's funny. =) and half the time it's true. she plays on everybody's mis fortunes. i mean, it's not always funny when someone falls on their ass. but liz would make a spectacle out of it and the world is full of humor. just as long as the faller doesn't get al stupid and ass-hurt about it. so yeah God is calling me out. it's funny how i used to be all religious. i never fucking use cuss worth o' fucking shit for ass-munch!!=P nor was i ever comfortable with homos and "particularly" religious ones and their mystery. but see i am much older now. and i realize that people are people and they are gonna feel how they are going to feel and believe in who or what the want to believe in. it's a matter of perception really. personally i don't think that it's right to be homosexual or bi or whatever, but i don't think it's wrong to find your soul mate and fall in love. and all you need is faith ladies and gentlemen. in God; your family; yer friends; and maybe especially yerself. and these days it's getting harder to find someone you can really trust. i'm lucky to have some like that. i think God wants me to go back to church. and i thought that i would by now. but i'm jsut so wierd! heh. yeah... i think i piss him off. no really. i'm jsut here being me, whoever that is, and wherever he is, God is telling me to stop feeling sorry for myself and start doing something about the way that i feel. thing is i don't know what exactly to do do about anything. i might be afraid. i might be too self involved (in the sense that my feelings are more important and i have to stress about them because the world is going to end and there is nothing i can about it.) wow! but one way or another the Lord is my shepard. he will find this little lost lamb. and i'll not longer be fearful of unimportant and foolish thoughts. and now i must go. i have to leave this place and be mindful of my stupid and pedestrian ways. solace... is a state of mind. and i am a dumbass.

the skip

p.s. I MISS BOB!!

updating...

2004-03-30T03:41:12Z

am i just some little fucking pushover
i'd like to think i was meant for something better
all and everyone in this world
thinks that everything and everyone
is hot shit
i don't think i'm God's gift
in fact i know i'm not
no one smiles or laughs with my content mouth
openly complaisant
more than this

and now i'm just doin it again

2004-03-24T21:41:37Z

well yeah i'm here at school and i want to go do something. liz is working and she's probably mad that i'm here taking a long time for one thing i don't really know what to type and the other is that this shitwas taking forever to load or whatever. i hate computers. but then i don't. yeah... and i think i'm done. another boring post for liz. hah. she is so calling me gay right now. rick is here and he's making me watch videos... dude that shit was fucking bad!! the shit kept skipping though. i just saw this steve vai video. it was fucking awesome!! i wouldn't have been so blown away if i didn't see what he was doing. he had this like virtual reality theme going on. he had lights in the fret board. he had lasers everywhere. and like dude... it wasn't so much the shit he was playing but how he was actually playing it. mean for what it was it was amazing if all you got was the audio, but he was using a slide and it didn't even sound like it and dude. he was just like stwirling around his guitar and just fucking messing around with it and it sounded like he actually had his hands on the fret board... but he didn't!! he had this like flange effect or a phaser or something and he was just swinging it around and it was just so amazing! it was fucking beautiful! hows that for a post liz? you'll probably still say it's lame. but you know what. if you saw that shit you'd be fucking blown away too! either way, i think you think what i think about this is cool. but you jsut won't admit it for some reason. i thihnk you just like to talk shit cuz it's funny. and that's okay. but i'm serious that shit was fucking awesome! it was so bad! i've got to go out and get that dvd! so yeah. there...

skippy=)garcia

blah

2004-03-24T21:12:43Z

hungry, bored, nothin' much else. need a shower. want longer hair... i'm just tired.

leftunconscious @ 2004-03-22T20:38:00

2004-03-23T04:41:40Z

i'm at school. and now i want to go. beofreo i was just waiting and replying to comments but now want to go. and yeah i'm... not hungry!! imagine that!! but i betcha i'll get hungry later on. heh. yeah and yeah blah blah and you know... hum hum... i don't know! ha! anyway. i'll type later! bye!

skippy=)

i told you i ain't a mexicxan!

2004-03-23T04:37:02Z

How MEXICAN are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

uh, huh...

2004-03-09T01:37:45Z

and this i know; her teeth as white as snow...
yeah...
so there was cassandra just sitting there when i walked into the computer lab. with whom i'm sure is her boyfriend. i pretended not to notice her. and i'm sure she did the same. but i jsut got all hot and like nervous and shit. but it already passed now i'm just angered; irritated. yeah... and my wrist still hurts. so yeah and i'm going to arizona with liz this friday and i need to call greg and ask him for monday off so we could come back that night. and yeah. i'm at school. and yeah i'm still hungry.

the skip

leftunconscious @ 2004-03-04T17:12:00

2004-03-05T01:13:35Z

the last post is just blah . never mind.

i want to be a movie star...

2004-03-05T01:12:43Z

no not really. i want to be a rock star. i think that i should just go away. but then i'd be alone. i like guacamole and salsa. this is the reason. my hurt is to linger as the heat in coal persists. if i would type something about "her", for instance, and i type something about suicide or my life sucks and i wanna die the first thing she'd ask me would be, "who's her?". there is no her and there probably never will be. i like cream and i just want to disappear. you;ll never hear me say fuck the music. and blah

the skip

blah

2004-03-02T01:55:44Z

well this is some shit... i'm in the computer lab at school right now. i'm struggling to type cuz it hurts so much. i think i'll stop in a moment. something happened at work on friday. i was cutting the grass at the church and somewhere between this one patch of grass and the next i fucked up my wrist. which is a real bummer! cuz i'm in pain right now. i don't remember any particular moment where it happened. i just remember that it all of a sudden started to hurt. i'm wearing an ace bandage around my wrist, but it really doesn't do too much to help. it's fine i just can't twist my wrist all the way. yeah... and guess what happened last night... my band gathered for a meeting in my room and when nick arrived it comenced. i was like who wants to go first and nick raised his hand. he told all of us that he has no more time and he can't be in this band right now. i know i've got my hopes up because he said that we'll still be practicing for this one church gig in may and that a when the summer comes we'll see what his schedule will be like (and he will have control over his schedule. but even then he still has his job at the church. and that takes time. anyway... i hope he comes back, gabriel doesn't think so, i don't know what josiah thinks, and liz just says maybe. i really hope so because nick is fucking bad ass!! and the music is just starting to change. it's getting better, more sophisticated and heavier. and always raw and fun. i don't really want to work with other bass player. it's almost like i should just quit now. but i'm not gonna. i want to stick it out and see what happens. anyway... liz has a chick!!! and yeah.=)

skippy=) garcia

sorry liz...

2004-02-25T21:44:45Z

i jsut got back to school from church. today's ash wednesday so i went to recieve the ashes. i jsut felt like i was being called for the longest time and now i've gone to church. sorry i didn't say anything liz. i know i'm sorry! i do that too much. i'll go over there right now, but first...

this is what i wrote last night...

so i was just trying to get myself drunk just to see what i'd do. i thought i might write a poem or something but i wrote music instead. 2 parts. bass and guitar of course. for the first 2 liness i wrote this random guitar melody and flipped it upside down and changed the clef to bass. i think it might sound shitty but also appropriate since i called it "drunkenness swaggerish". heh. funny. and the sencond 2lines i just wrote off the top of my head and harmonized it. i've got some syncopation in there and contrary motion. you know, those tricks that make people think you've got talent. but in this case i actually do. heh. both parts will be played accurately and now i'm dying to hear how it'll sound! where's nick when you need him, huh? anyway, this is what i came up with; an introduction to what might become a hit single... yeah right! the world is spinning!! hahaha!! geez! this is too much fun!=P

so yeah that's all i guess. i'm hungry and i'm sorry and i want to fly...

skippy=) garcia

ifeltlikeahighschoolfreshmansittingaloneinacafeteriathenallofasuddensomeonesatnexttomeandpassedme...

2004-02-18T23:49:26Z

adr.pepper...

liz hasn't emailed me my icons so i can't change them yet. maybe i'd like to but hey you know... anyway it's turning out to be okay if anyone knows what i mean.. but the kids aren't alright... if anyone knows what i mean...

skippy=)

and finally...

2004-02-05T00:17:03Z

here i am at school. liz isn't online. what a bummer! and she's right behind me! i don't think that she want's to talk to me right now. i'm just saying that cuz she's not i-m-ing me. heh. well when she reads this she'll either turnaround and call me a dork or go online and call me a dork. but anyway... it's been a long time. being that i don't have a computer and all. i figured my mail would have been piling up, but there wasn't that much. go figure. well, no body loves me. except liz. though not even she sent me anything! ha! anyway... i wrote up some notes for a bio for my bands package. and as far as i know josiah probably did to. i know nick knows he has to do it, but i did not urge him to do so. and there's still new music on the way. "fire side drive", that one new song without a title, the other new song without a title, and that new freaky shit i jsut made up. well there you go. and i'm still hungry as fuck! anyway... bye then! oh!! liz... i want to go to a movie like right now... but there's no money! sorry. unless you want to go to the cheap ass sticky floored cinema 3... peace!

skippy=)

leftunconscious @ 2004-02-04T15:38:00

2004-02-04T23:39:03Z

You Should Honeymoon in Europe!

You are a traditional romantic at heart...

With a taste for fine wine, muesums and beautiful walks.

You and your sweetie should get romantic in a cafe in Paris

Or get a Eurail pass - and see as many cities as possible!

Suggested destinations: Paris, Venice, London, Greece

Where Should You Go On Your Honeymoon? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

and the thing is...

2004-01-11T02:13:29Z

well i havent a thing to talk about! well let's see... christmas was cool. new years was cool. this month is pretty boring so far. i'm hungry right now. and a little bored. i didn't want to jump on this computer, but i did't really want to just sit hear in this room and watch liz do whatever online. she's trying to decide what she wants to do more... go to a show, go to a party, or wing it until she wants to go with trinity at her aunts house. i don't really feel like there's anything particular that i want to do. i just want to eat cause i'm hungry. actually i want to perform. yeah! that would be awesome! and maybe this time there will actually be a consideralble amount of people. not just our friends to look at us on a public stage practicing. but i swear we need to practice more. we keep funckin up. live even! and that's where it hurts. i may not say it or show it at all, but the times that i fuck up i'm just furious with myself. i don't frown upon the guys, but you know what, i wrote the damn tunes! why am i fucing up? well the shows are still very fun and that makes up for it. i guess that's why i don't show anything. i act like it doesn't even bother me at all. it's just my singing really. anyhow... i guess that's it. whatever... peace!

skippy=)

post this!!

2003-12-15T18:31:56Z

well here i am at school a typing away... bored and hungry! i must turn in my take home final in about an hour and a half. and then i have my last lesson at 2:30 today. i wish i would never end, but at least it's not over yet... wednesday is the guitar ensemble concert. boy that'll be fun! heh. well tomorrow i work again after a week of not working. my check this week will be very small. and that sucks. and well... i don't know i just lost my train of thoughts... i gues that's it!

skippy=)

all outta angst...

2003-12-12T18:04:30Z

so this is pretty much my last week of education here at cerritos for a while. i won't be back until the summer. kind of a bummer, but hey i need to work and i will see what i can do with my studies (in classical music) on my own. and just as well with inquirewithin. i jsut started writing a new song just a few minutes ago. has this classical intro and then breaks into this little arpeggio thingie. well, it's not really strummed you know. anyway... and i have another doctor appointment today. i don't want to go. my ass feels great! heh. but i don't want the doc to tell me that i have to go into surgury (i hope i spelled that right). i really don't know how i'm going to check my mail if i'm not here at school. except to go to my brother's house. man, he still has my x-men 2 dvd! i really felt like seeing ing the other day. twice! anyhow... i hope i don't get really bored and want to kill myself before i go back to school. i need to get myself another car and save for a ticket that i shouldn't have been issued and my band needs funding. and i haven't really bought a cd in forever! so i need money! i must work. i might even get two jobs before next fall! anyhow... so i guess that's it for a while. no computer... no updates... no mail... no school... no social life... no escape... no music education...